Thursday, November 19, 2009

A Warning From The Future.

The Star Trek re-boot is be released this week on DVD and BluRay. This is a very good thing. I found the movie to be thoroughly enjoyable and faithful to the spirit and mythology of the original. (Karl Urban's McCoy was the standout, though I don't think there was a bad performance in the whole movie.)

*****SPOILER ALERT******* Close your eyes and navigate away if you don't want an important part of the plot revealed.

In the movie, old Spock (Leonard Nimoy) comes back in time and meets young Kirk and young Spock. Unfortunately, old Spock doesn't give Kirk some useful information that would make Kirk's life a whole lot better. This is what Kirk should have been told:

1-Your 5 year mission is to boldly go where no man has gone before, not sleep with every bee-hived bimbo in the galaxy.

2-Stay away from Carol Marcus. (See #1).

3-The correct response when you find an old ship named Botany Bay is to fire all phasers and photon torpedoes immediately.

4-Ben Finney is hiding in Engineering.

5-Edith Keeler must die.

6-Tribbles are a good source of protein.

7-Stay away from Janice Lester (See #1).

8-Tell Scotty to watch the twinkies in later life. And while your at it, tell Uhura that after a certain age, fan dances are a bad idea.

9-Betazed should be destroyed from orbit. (Amended by Paul TRG) ... it's the only way to be sure.

10-Don't allow Disco to influence new Star Fleet uniforms.

11-Don't hit on alien women in an alien prison... they could be shape-shifting alien men. (Agent Smith).

12-Romulan Ale is not to be served at state dinners with Klingons. (CarpeNoctem).

13-Klingon food; eat it before it eats you. (Subvet).

14- Circuit breakers are good for preventing control panels on the bridge from shorting out and killing the crewmen stationed at them. Likewise, consider seat belts for the bridge crew. (Paul TRG)

15- Give Janice Rand a transfer to someplace where she can concentrate on her work. (Paul TRG)

16- Don't forget to check back on Khan every now and then. (Paul TRG) (Not necessary if you obey #3).

17- After I'm killed by radiation exposure, could you throw some Twinkies and Ho-Ho's in the casket with me before firing me down to the Genesis planet? (The Famous LarryD). (Not necessary #3 or #16 is followed.)

18- Next time I'm stuck with Mariette Hartley, don't rescue me, ok? (The Famous LarryD).

19- And watch out for Sulu. He's...different, if you know what I mean. (The Famous LarryD).

(If you have any you want to add, chime in in the combox.)
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