Monday, June 15, 2009

No Bad Liturgies, Only Bad Celebrants.

My mom is a big fan of Caesar Milan, which means that most Fridays we watch The Dog Whisperer. Caesar certainly has a way with the canines. Tsst! and the puppies behave.

Well, why can't we use the same principles with the liturgy. I know, I know. It should be as simple as: Say the black, do the read, and mean it! But some may need more extreme measures. Having everyone glad hand at the beginning of Mass? TSST! A hearty good morning instead of the Holy Greeting? TSST! Making it up as you go along? TSST!

Caesar even has his own line of products at Petco. Well, let's introduce a whole line of Liturgy Whisperer products. I'll start with the discipline amice. (This is like the shock collars used with wireless fences.) It will have a chip to detect the use of inclusive language and jargon learned at Call To Action conferences. ZAP! Used with a wireless fence installed under the sanctuary, it can be used to prevent shambulation and glad handing during the sign of peace. (The only problem I forsee is getting the nuttjobs to wear an amice!)
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