Friday, March 27, 2009

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Things I Have Been Tempted To Do In Homilies

(but haven't because I don't want to go to Camp Snoopy.)

1) Begin and end the homily by saying, "You are all going to Hell." (This wouldn't be true and certainly isn't the end I desire for my parishioners. )

2) Slam a large caliber handgun down on the pulpit without comment and proceed to give my homily. (In addition to Camp Snoopy, I really don't want to do time in the Utah State Prison for brandishing.)

3) Drive my radio controlled tank down the center aisle. (I just haven't been able to figure a way to even remotely connect this to the homily.)

(BTW: Camp Snoopy is a euphemism for any of the places clergy are sent when they have "problems".)

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Easter Fire Planning.

This year I have additional inspiration. It will be yet bigger!

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Friday, March 13, 2009

Most Praised Line From Last Weekend's Homily.

"The road to Hell is paved with mission statements and vision statements are the signposts."

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Ever Notice...

that when "conservatives" cite Sacred Scripture or Church documents, it is "proof texting". But when "liberals" do it, it is "documentation".

Monday, March 02, 2009

Reason #347 I Am Glad I Do Not Live In L. A.

Found this via Diogenes,

Troubled: Our parish priests are a bit stand off-ish. What are some suggestions to help us parishioners build a bond with our priests?

Cardinal Mahony: Try giving them a big hug!!!!

Don't, just don't.