Wednesday, July 30, 2008

I Officially Forgive Jon Voigt

for being the father of Angelina Jolie because of his roles as Pope John Paul II and in Zoolander and as well as this spot-on opinion piece about the Obamanation of Desolation.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Victory Through Technology

in the never-ending battle against the skate-punks.
They never quit. Each year we have several hundred dollars in vandalism by the little SOBs. Put bumps on the rails, they come and grind them off. Video surveillance, the disable the cameras. And if they get hurt, guess who is liable. Add to this the fact the we are not responsible for providing entertainment for them. The other day the Tara-rist had to run off two carloads of the little @#$@s.
Well no more! As no one has provided me with a mini-Predator drone, I have decided to develop my own skate-punk trap based on that most useful and entertaining device, the backyard bug-zapper. Of course, it needs to be altered for the new target. First, it must be larger. I think 6 feet tall with do. Second, bright light won't attract them. So instead, we will use a pony keg and a couple of cases of red bull. Third, the voltage needs to be ramped up--220 v. should do.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

One Word Meme.

(Stolen from Adoro, who stole it from Fr. S, who stole it from a simple Catholic.)

1. Where is your cell phone? Desk.
2. Your significant other? None.
3. Your hair? Head.
4. Your mother? Home.
5. Your father? Deceased.
6. Your favorite things? Bulldogs.
7. Your dream last night? Unknown.
8. Your favorite drink? Glenlivet.
9. Your dream/goal? Purgatory.
10. The room you’re in? Office.
11. Your church? Catholic.
12. Your fear? Hell.
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Here.
14. Where were you last night? Rectory.
15. What you’re not? Liberal.
16. Muffins? Poppy-seed.
17. One of your wish list items? Canon.
18. Where you grew up? Utah.
19. The last thing you did? Game.
20. What are you wearing? T-shirt.
21. Your TV? Off.
22. Your pets? Sleeping.
23. Your computer? Duh.
24. Your life? Half-over.
25. Your mood? Snarky.
26. Missing someone? Torq.
27. Your car? Vue.
28. Something you’re not wearing? Tutu.
29. Favorite store? Euroclero.
30. Your summer? Hot.
31. Like (love) someone? God.
32. Your favorite color? Purple.
33. Last time you laughed? Today.
34. Last time you cried? Unknown.
35. Who will re-post this? Tara-rist.

The Mean Kitty Song

Friday, July 18, 2008

Another Sign Of Societal Decay.

Hyde Park Remakes Edwards' "10"
By Garth FranklinFriday, July 18th 2008 3:21am

Hyde Park Entertainment Group plans to remake the classic 1979 Blake Edwards romantic comedy "10" say Variety. Dudley Moore, Julie Andrews and Bo Derek starred in the original film about a man going through a middle-age crisis who becoes infatuated with a younger newlywed and follows her on her Mexican honeymoon. The studio will engage in a global search for a newcomer to play the new "10."

From Dark Horizons.

Why I Trust Vox Clara.

I occured to me today that some of you might wonder why I trust the work of the Vox Clara commission in the re-translation of the Ordinary Form of the liturgy into English. There are several reasons. First, their mandate and principles of translation are founded on accuracy not the previous theory of dynamic equivalence, which leads to paraphrase that is highly subject to ideological distortion. (See the systematic suppression of the idea of sacrifice in the current translation.) Second, it is headed by Cardinal Pell. He is smart and more importantly completely orthodox in his understanding of the Faith. Third, and in many ways most personally significant, one of the members of the commission is Fr. Jeremy Driscoll, OSB, who was taught us Fundamental and Liturgical Theology at the seminary. He is a monk of Mt. Angel Abbey who currently teaches half-time at Mt. Angel and half-time in Rome. Not only is he a top-flight theologian, but he is also a poet--which means that not only does he understand the meaning of the texts, but he is able to put this understanding into faithful and beautiful language. In short, I trust that anything Fr. Jeremy works on will be first-rate. He also has written a great little book on understanding the Mass. I highly recommend it.

6 Things About Me That, While Unremarkable, You Probably Don't Want To Know.

Deacon Scott Evil has tagged me with the 6 unremarkable things meme. This requires that:

1. Link the person(s) who tagged me.
2. Mention the rules on my blog.
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of mine.
4. Tag 6 fellow bloggers by linking them. (Consider yourself tagged if you wish.)
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged. (Don't want to.)

Well here they are:

1. I prefer to eat pizza with a spoon. First, I eat the topping, then I eat the crust. Don't know why I do.

2. The ringtones on my cell phone are "Tubular Bells (The Exorcist)" and "Deutchland Uber Alles.".

3. I saw each of the first five Star Trek movie on opening day. (No, I wasn't dressed like a Klingon, but I wish I was.)

4. I have seen every movie made by Boris Karloff post-Frankenstein.

5. I go postal if someone ring the doorbell multiple times (i. e. staccato knock).

6. While in college, I won $20 at a party by eating a milk-bone dog biscuit covered in horseradish sauce. (I should also mention that in junior high I ate a Styrofoam bowl for $5.)

What We Do Means Something.

A family in my parish has had an unpleasant few months. One of the grandchildren, who was baptized a Catholic, but not raised as one, was being married outside the Church. My parishioners are faithful Catholics. They were at a loss about what to do. Should or shouldn't they go? They asked for my advice. I told them not to go as the attempted marriage of a Catholic outside the Church (without the permission of the local ordinary) is not in reality a marriage. If they went, their attendance would say the exact opposite that yes this is a marriage. You may disagree with me, but that is my opinion. We should witness to the truth by all that we say and do even at the cost of precious personal relationships. This is not a moral judgment on the couple. The uncatechized fellow didn't know any better, but the reality remains the same: it is not a marriage. What we do means something. What we do needs to reflect the reality of our beliefs. The family ended up not attending the wedding. They have received a lot of flack from some other relatives, but I am confident they did the right thing.

Recently some have expressed shock that Burke the Magnificent placed a PPCP, Sr. Louise Lears, under interdict for participating in the simulated ordination of a couple of Water Witches. Her participation in this event was a very public up yours to the Church and Her teachings. She and her friends should not be surprised that she is being held accountable for her actions.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Chapter Of Embarrassment.

One common feature of the monastic life is the Chapter of Faults during which the monks publicly confess their short-comings to their confreres. I have decided to publicly confess some potentially embarrassing facts about myself.

1. The first time I voted in a presidential election, I voted for **cough** Walter Mondale **cough**. What can I say. I was young, stupid, and Democratic (which is all pretty much the same thing.)

2. When they were first popular, I was convinced that The Village People were straight.

3. I prefer Gothic Vestments (the real thing, not hippy ponchos) to Fiddle-Backs.

4. I think Janeane Garofalo and Susan Saranwrap are good actresses. (I just wish they would live in a cave the rest of the time.)

5. John Paul II's philosophical writings give me headaches.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

OK, I've Calmed Down.

Yesterday, I was mad enough to spit anathemas (which isn't that unusual) and mad enough that I thought it was prudent to calm down before I wrote anything (which is unusual). The cause wasn't the usual: skate-punks, being stuck in traffic behind the cars of Obamaworshipers, or even a call from the chemical company of Hell--Royal Chemical. (Seriously, never buy anything from them. While they have a good product, it is over-priced and their business practices would shame Enron. I think I singed the ear of their saleslady who called today.) It was the announced that the latest segment of the re-translation of the Ordinary Form of the Mass had failed to gain the necessary approval by 2/3 of the voting bishop's of the USCCB. Time, prayer, and some Age of Conan have reduced the rage to an extreme case of perturbation and disappointment.

Why you may ask. Ever since Rome in her wisdom finally recognized the disaster which was old ICEL, restructured it, and formed the Vox Clara Commission, I have been waiting with fervent hope for the a good translation of the Novus Ordo. Face it, the translation that we have now bites. Not only is it's language pedestrian, lacking in linguistic beauty, and hardly spiritually uplifting, it is really a paraphrase. Reams and megabytes have been spilled about what has been ideologically mistranslated and just plain left out of in the current translation. Finally, it seemed that we would be able to celebrate a Mass that lives up to the Latin original. But, someone has slammed on the brakes. And from the comments of the bishops at last month's meeting, it is because certain bishops think that we priests are too inept to handle dependent clauses and the laity too dim to understand words not regularly used on TV. I also suspect that there is something deeper going on. The liturgical establishment does not, to say the least, like the direction Rome is taking the liturgy and is doing everything in its power to obstruct the liturgical restoration. This seems to be only more step in an organized campaign. (A previous step was the return of the sovereign of castrated language Bishop Trautperchild to the chairperchildship of the Bishop's Committee on Liturgy.) I suspect and others have observed that this is another instance of the Spirit of Vatican II refusing to go gentle into that good night.

So here we are with another unnecessary delay. I sincerely doubt that Rome will acquiesce to whatever the bishops throw forward at their next meeting. The only question is whether or not there will be the courage to impose the Vox Clara translation now rather than after pointless 'dialogue'. We have a right to a Mass which is completely and slavishly faithful to Latin original. After all we are part of the Roman, not American, Catholic Church.

(I hope you can see why I want to calm down. If this is what I wrote after calming down, just imagine what it would have been like before. I really didn't want to go to Camp Snoopy.)

New Stained Glass Windows In My Church

Monday, July 07, 2008

Too Pissed Off...

will post later.

US bishops reject proposed translation of Roman Missal

One Please.

Here at Saint James the Just, we have LOTS of babies. (Which is a lot of fun because I can play with them all and then hand them back to their parents when they get cranky or have produced toxic waste. Score for celibacy!) As the little guys get older, the start to notice that their parents are receiving something they aren't in the Communion line. Usually, they start reaching for the Host. Sometimes, they are even more creative.

Andrew is about two years old. (He is also the nephew of an Alhambra Carmelite.) He has been reaching for the Host for some time and has noticed that it hasn't gotten him anywhere. Two weeks ago after I had blessed him and was giving his mother the Host, he held up one finger and said, clear as a bell, "One please!" This was bad because the priest really shouldn't be laughing while distributing Holy Communion.

As I said before, the pastoral fun never stops.