Friday, May 30, 2008

De-irritation Through Technology

Being a recovering science geek, I am still convinced that technology can eradicate many of the things that bug us. For example, the backyard bug-zapper not only deals with pesky insects, but also provides hours of wholesome entertainment. All aspects of human life can be addressed, even our spiritual life. (See my previous post on the de-shambulating electromagnet.)

However, today I am putting out a call for help in dealing with more mundane problems. First, I want someone to build me a working, scale model Predator drone with cigar-sized miniature Hellfire missiles. It could orbit the parish grounds and finally put an end to the interminable skate-punk problem. (A RC AC-135 would also work.)

Second, I need someone to develop a portable electromagnetic pulse gun. For those who don't know, EMP fries electronics. (I really shouldn't need to put out a call for this with all the engineers in my parish. However, most of them seem overly concerned about their security clearances.) Why do I want this? Because I am sick and tired of listening to other people's car stereos. Especially, when both of our windows are closed. Now, I could use an RPG, but this would be overkill. With an EMP, I could take out the offending auto without collateral damage or unfortunate traffic delays.
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