Marcus Magnus at Dominican Idaho defines Shambulation as, "The priestly practice of strutting around the sanctuary during the homily, instead of delivering the homily from the pulpit." This is also known as The Phil Donahue Syndrome; especially so when it is coupled with the reprobated practice of the so-called dialogue homily. (Anything with the word dialogue in it can't be good!) How do we address this problem? Better liturgy through technology!
Specifically through a strong electromagnetic plate positioned under the pulpit. The offenders will simply be issued special shoes with steel plates in the soles. As soon as the homily begins, a switch is thrown and, presto, no shambulation.
I also believe that with sufficient research this technology can also be applied to the abuse of inviting the congregation into the Sanctuary. Just imagine. Next time this happens in your parish, flip a switch and they will be hurled back into the pews. (This could also be useful with Water Witches (aka Poncho Ladies(tm)).
13 comments:
I was just thinking that "kneecapping" them might be a quicker, more direct route.
Another practical application - leaving the sanctuary during the Kiss of Peace. In some churches I've been too, I'm reminded of a hand-shaking extravaganza at a political rally.
A just-ordained priest in my parish has the tendency to do that. He gives the greatests homilies but tends to walk around the sanctuary. It used to bother me a lot until I got to know him and found out that he is an extremely shy person and that is the only way for him to overcome it at this time. It does not make it right, but it does not bother me as much anymore. He is very orthodox in everything else.
hahaa, I can think of so many priests to use this on. Even at my parish, there's this one priest who does go a little overborard...the joke is that he's there to keep the liberals happy. My parish is conservative..how i'd love to flip the magnet on to get that priest in the sanctuary quicker.
Of the three priests that regularly celebrate Mass at my parish, two of them remain behind the ambo to give the homily, but the other one stands in front of the altar to give his.
I still like the old way--the albino assassin monks from Opus Dei.
I'd rather listen to an inspiring/insightful/educating homily with the priest walking around (like I had 2 priests ago)than my last priest. He was so boring and spoke without really saying anything that, despite standing at the ambo, you were grateful when you heard him say "When we look at our lives today..." because that meant he would say 10 more words at most and be done. Granted, this was the same priest who had the pastoral associate (female also)give the homily every other week so we only sat through the torture evry other week.
To give credit where credit is due, "Shambulation" was a contribution from Anita at V For Victory
The sad thing is that we would even need to discuss such things, and coin such terms. If these things are so minor (as so many assert), then why not do them right? Those who turn it into "Father XYZ'x mass" in the end, turn it into nothing at all.
The physical sexual abuse of children and the spiritual liturgical abuse of the children of God by clergy are related. See HPR, Dec 2007.
Why is dialogue bad?
Dialogue in this context usually means "We're going to talk ourselves out of doing the right thing."
Dialog in the Cdl Bernardin sense means that two points are equal in that they represent "your truth" and "my truth" and that we can work some sort of compromise to a new "our truth."
Dialog in the Benedict XVI sense means that we hold what we believe to be true, and recognize that you do as well, and acknowledge that these are what make us different, but that there are those things we can do together (such as opposing murdering the unborn) and that without compromising that belief that makes us different, become closer through that which is common to both.
you can, I think see, why the first is bogus and the second reasonable.
LOL - Where do I get one of those, Father?
BMP
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