Tuesday, May 15, 2007

"Hey Hippie! Get away from my toilet paper!"

To quote my evil, South Park alter-ego Eric Cartman, " I hate hippies! I mean, the way they always talk about "protectin' the earth" and then drive around in cars that get poor gas mileage and wear those stupid bracelets - I hate 'em! I wanna kick 'em in ...! " It isn't enough that they ruined a whole decade, now they are after my toilet paper. Gunnery Sergeant Ugh tells us that Sheryl Crow wants everyone to use only one square of TP to help save the Earth! (And compares her unfavorably to Joe Dirt in the process.) I suspect this may be related in some way to her break up with Lance Armstrong.

#$#$ Hippies! Is nothing sacred? My last year at the sem, the crunchy granola brigade managed to persuade the powers that be to install low flow shower-heads and buy recycled TP. A man a right to at least two things: a good shower and a comfortable bathroom experience. The shower-heads were easy enough to deal with. (The phantom plumber struck at 3:00 am). The TP was another matter. I couldn't see myself carrying a role of Charmin with me when I went to the john. Weren't you a little bit overly sensitive? NO! This stuff was like drawing paper from the first grade; gray, slick, and with slivers. Not my idea of appropriate asceticism. I ended up raising the issue at a Rector's Conference. Something to the effect of, "I want to talk about the toilet paper!" Alas, to no effect.
Ms. Crow can do what she wants. As for me, hands off the TP!
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