This morning I pounded my fist into a block wall a couple of times. (Dirty little secret: I have a very bad temper. I have only really lost it five times in my life, which is a very good thing.) I am fed up with the way some people are treating our new church. A few weeks ago a parent allowed their kid to draw on the baptismal font with purple crayon. After this weekend, we had to clean up crushed candy and punch off the floor and shoe and pen marks off the pew seats. I really want to hire a beadle. (A beadle was a church official that kept order by smacking offenders with a stick.) Alas, we have to settle with the following announcements in the bulletin.
Over the last month or so, several incidents have occurred that necessitate reiterating the obligation for each parishioner to work to keep our church clean and new. Parents have allowed children to draw on the baptismal font with crayons, to draw on the pew seats with pens, to walk on the pews with shoes, to litter the pews and floor with snacks, and spill drinks with no effort to clean up afterwards. Lest you think this is just a problem with careless parents, older people have used the kneelers as foot rests, failed to replace the missalettes and hymnals in the pew racks, and left their trash in the pews.
Our church is the house of God. It must be treated with care, reverence, and respect. (It is not a playground or a family room!) Please observe the following rules:
1-No gum is to be chewed in the church.
2-Silence cell phones before you enter the chapel.
3-Save conversations for the entrance area or the social hall.
4-Please do no let children draw in the church with pens, pencils, crayons, or markers.
5-If your small child must have a snack during, it is YOUR responsibility to clean up after them. Also, no snacks that are sticky or have the potential to stain.
6-Please no juice or milk in bottles. Water only in the church.
7-Don't let children walk on the pews wearing shoes or to stand with their shoes resting against the pew seats.
8-Kneelers are for kneeling. The are not footrests.
9-Straighten up your own pew before you leave. Replace books in the rack, take any trash with you, and leave the kneelers in the upright position.
All parishioners, please help us keep these rules. If you see someone who is out of line, please gently remind them of their obligations.
And
IT IS GETTING WARM AGAIN.
It is that time of the year again and it will, we hope, be getting warm again. Everyone wants dress comfortably, but we also need to show respect to God, His House, and one another. Our dress in church needs to be clean and modest. Unfortunately, many modern styles are anything but modest. Please avoid form fitting clothes, shirts which are too revealing or expose the belly or have inappropriate sayings or images, and short shorts or skirts (think Mormon shorts). Parents, please help your children with this.
Monday, May 07, 2007
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22 comments:
I confess to kneeler abuse. My bad back has gotten me in the habit of putting my feet on the kneeler, and I often forget to put it back up when I am done.
I agree with you, though. The Church is a house of God and not a snack bar, cafe or some sort of video telephone.
I'll try to remember to be nicer to the kneelers in the future.
The same sorts of things occur in parishes around here, too--except in the Tridentine Rite parish...
I realize that some parents let their children color or draw during Mass (and in fact there are coloring books explicitly marketed to be 'keep-quiet' Mass materials). So I guess I can see crayon getting onto the pews. But the baptismal font?!?
Father, if all you need is ONE beadle, then you're doing better than you think!
A week ago, I had to shush a group of ushers that were yakking in the back of the church after Communion.
What? No t-shirts advertizing topless bars? There has been no objection to this in my old parish in a certain infamous diocese.
(What's wrong with a little sarcasm?)
When I was a child, my parish pastor took my cousin and I aside when we had been running in the narthex (not even on a Sunday, but during the week) and asked us if we thought that children could roughouse and play in the US Senate chambers, to which we replied, Of course not! He then asked us what was more important, the government buildings, or the House of God?
Left quite an impression on me as a 6 year old!
Amen, Father. It's sad that manners have eroded so terribly that you even have to mention this stuff.
It's sad that these comments had to be made. But kudos to you for making it clear what your expectations are for the church.
When I was a kid, all I ever needed to keep myself occupied was "My First Missal"
Father really was banging his fist against the wall!--I didn't dare approach him to ask what the hella he was doing--Father don't hurt those hands--they give me Jesus, next time use something else.
Shocking.
I'm absolutely amazed at thte lack of parenting out there. When I was growing up, Mom did not allow us to color or eat or do anything else during Mass other than sit and listen. There was no "cry room", and we were not taken out of Mass for any reason, and we actually had no emergencies that required it.
As much as I hated how strict she was, and watched other children play during Mass, and complained to Mom about how "unfair" it was, I'm so glad now that she drew the line to try to instill in us from the beginning that Mass was special, and that we could overcome our impulses for at least an hour once per week.
My Mom should be canonized.
I'm the oldest of nine children. We wouldn't dare cut up in church. No way. My mother would have killed us! She simply didn't let us misbehave in church (or in public for that matter) and we knew that church was a place where God was and we had better behave.
Now, I come to church at the last minute. Too many people look on the time before Mass as a time to chat. Loudly. And don't get me started on how they let the children run all over the place.
I'm the YOUNGEST of nine, Ellen.
And, yes, what you said.
Father, your problem is deeper than purple crayon. Your parishioners (a few, at least) are completely bonkers.
I cannot believe what I just read.
I completely agree with juice and cookies, etc. My children, like I was, will be absolutely forbidden to "snack" during Mass. We nine managed quite well to learn that we eat before and after Mass, not during. But I have a 2-month old who must have formula. Lots of people don't know that too much water can overwork their kidneys at that young age. Of course, if we EVER spilled anything, I would a)die of embarrassment and b) clean it up.)
Seriously? I think that the only solution to your problem is a barnburner of a hellfire and brimstone homily about proper behavior and decorum.
You wouldn't allow your child to draw on "American Gothic" at the museum. You wouldn't let her wipe her disgusting sticky hands on the Queen's drapes.
So -- WHY, in the presence of Christ Himself....
ARRGH~!
Father,
On my blog, I posted something which appeared in our bulletin this week. And the children in my parish are exceptionally well-behaved.
When I got to the part about "chaos reigns", I chuckled.
My pastor, he who I once saw exit a confessional, start walking up the aisle, notice a child of about 3 with his feet propped up on the back of the pew in front of him, knock the child's feet down without so much as a glance and keep going - he just cracked me up with this latest scolding.
Im moving to Utah so you can be my priest...and I can be your beadle.
Ma B,
Thanks for the info on water.
The brimfire and hellstone is coming week after nest. It won't be a homily, but rather a rant after Communion.
Father Erik, I think you're too easy on parishioners with small children. There should be no snacks allowed in Church!!! Mass is usually no more than an hour, kids can make it that long without eating. If they must eat then go to the Social Center.
Also, if kids must stand on the pews, take off their shoes!! That's what I do with my toddler.
Oh please please please...pick me. I love a good beating...well to give one anyway.
I used it as a threat in mass today. Can I push the feet off the kneelers like I do my girls? It is especially memorable when they are standing and their feet are pushed off! They don't tend to stand on them again...for a while. And when my hand goes near the feet they jump off to catch themselves before they hit the floor.
I did notice milk or formula had been 'sprinkled' on the fabric near us today...or sometime recently. I'm one of those that like to sit in the same spot.
BTW,
Babies can go one hour without a feeding. I nursed in PRIVATE only!!! And I attend mass every Sunday. Parents can plan ahead and feed and burp before entering!
They will survive...actually they will not cry as much in mass if they are already full and tired! Every 4 hours is fine. We had a schedule to keep ME sane! I may have failed in sanity...but that's another story.
Formula babies are no different. I have two, one nursed one didn't. I never fed either during mass.
And as Father Erik knows....we banned Barbie from Church too. She doesn't have anything decent to wear! And she talked way too much. LOL
Father Erik should appreciate this blog because it is filled with sarcasm.
#1 - I never knew "kneeler abuse" was an issue. From now on, my older children will not stand on the kneeler, even if my six year old can better participate in the mass because she can see better. After all, understanding and participating in mass at young ages is far worse a sin than standing on a precious kneeler.
#2 - I have never known an entire region to not have churches with a nursery available for ages 1-2. As such, since all of you seem to have "perfect" children or you were one of nine "perfect" children(but somehow I doubt you can remember when you were aged 1-2) my 1 year old will continue to walk on the kneeler because it keeps her quiet. For those of you about to say...take the baby to the cry room, see #3 below.
#3 - Cry rooms are useless because most parents use the room as a place for their kids to play and talk loudly while the children are ignored. This leaves parents who do believe in teaching their children to behave in a quandary: 1) Do I stay here and teach baby to be loud Mass and completely ignore her? 2) Do I go back inside and let baby make noise while having others glare at me, the horrible parent who won't use the cry room? 3) Do I stop going to church until the 1 year old figures out how to obey at all times? (Say goodbye to my financial contributions.) or 4) Heaven Forbid...Do I let her have some cereal during mass to keep her quiet or will the priest and other congregants be so concerned about the sin of baby snacks that I get lectured about that rather than an actual spiritually fulfilling topic.
Yes...it is unacceptable and unconscionable that a parent would allow a child to color on an item in God's home.
Yes...it is inappropriate for a parent to bring juice into the church for the high possibility that a cup may leak.
Yes...the standard adult items are obvious.
But...all of you should NOT be sticking your righteous noses in the air and saying how perfect you and/or your children are. THAT is where sin comes in. Maybe Father Erik should be working with parents on these items, like starting a nursery at Sunday morning masses, instead of outlining the abuses of some and applying to the whole.
Lisa B-
Great point there at the end. I have pointed out several times to parishioners that were complaining about noisy kids what they must have forgotten what it is like to be or have a kid. (By noisy, I mean fussy, not meltdown. If they are meltdowning, take em out.) And that the way kids learn to behave in church is by being in church. (I dislike cryrooms. The only reason we have one in the new church is that the folks with kids insisted on one.)
That being said, I don't see why their being in church necessitates damage. A toddler needs to stand on the pews? Take the shoes off first. The problem with drawing is that some parents don't keep an eye on the kids and the pews get drawn on. Feeding the little one cherios? Take a minute to check at the end of Mass and pick up any that dropped.
The vast majority of the people are already doing this. Unfortunately, a few outrageous exceptions made saying this necessary. If I could have tracked them down individually, I would have. The ushers and I can't see everything, that's why I asked people to GENTLY say something.
What I am asking people to do is to treat God's house with respect. Respect for God, respect for the people who worked for 40 years to build our church, respect for the folks who clean, and respect for themselves.
As to the nursery, it is in the works and will likely be up and running during the 9:30 am Mass come autumn.
That being said, I don't see why
Thanks Father Erik for the response.
As a parent, I appreciate knowing that you do stick up for us who feel it is important for kids to be in church. I, too, believe a child cannot learn how to behave without actually being in the situation. However, it is frustrating when you have a 1-2 year old who makes noises and other congregants glare at you. (Again, not meltdown.)
I am interested in the end of your cut-off sentence...I don't see why...
Maybe the "rules" can be printed as standard procedure once every so many months as a proactive method of reminders instead of as a reactionary method when you have to bang your hands against the wall. That way people, myself included, don't feel attacked. I know not everyone does the "best they can do," but I think most of us try. I know I do look under the pews to be sure no cereal has fallen. If I do miss one now and again, I apologize. I know we look around to see if books need to be put away. I try to include the kids in the process so they learn to look outside of their immediate vicinity.
Again, I am sorry that it took such blatant disrespect of the church (I include the people in the word "church") for this to occur. If there are positive, proactive things that we as parishioners can do, please let us know.
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