Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Friday, October 27, 2006

Pope in Alaska

(Received this one from a friend.)

The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the mountains of Alaska for some sight-seeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope Mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a "Save the Whales" hat, and a "To Hell with Bush" T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly. As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a .44-magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat. As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions," he told them. "I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic Environmental activists but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies "Who was that guy?" "It was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with heaven and has access to all wisdom.""Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom but he sure as Hell doesn't know anything about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and grab another one?"

Monday, October 23, 2006

Wacky Protestant theory sighting

While checking out the latest Misadventures of Hello Cthulhu, I ran across an add for THE WORLD'S LAST CHANCE. Not wanting to miss out, I clicked and found out that "THE BIBLE REVEALS NEXT AND LAST POPE WILL BE A DEVIL IMPERSONATING JOHN PAUL II" This is a rather bizarre, Adventist exegesis of Revelation 17. What will the devil then do you may ask?

Now the most important reason: Which of the 7 kings is most known, loved and respected in today's generation? If Satan would want to lead the world into imposing universal laws for exalting his false Sabbath (Sunday), who would be the most effective personality other than John Paul II? Who would be more effective than him who called on Christians to "ensure that civil legislation respects their duty to keep Sunday holy…refraining from work and activities which are incompatible with the sanctification of the Lord's Day." [Apostolic Letter, Des Domini of John Paul II, dated May 31, 1998]? Again, no one is better suited for carrying the agenda of Satan than John Paul II. Hence, impersonating him makes the most sense for Satan, who is intent on deceiving the whole world.

Yup, promoting Sunday, that is the devil's work alright.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Harry Potter

I like the Harry Potter books. They are fun and well written. I sincerely doubt that they lead anyone to witchcraft, 'modern' or otherwise. (The Stooges never caused me to poke any one's eye out.) Before you flame me, read this post from The Roving Medievalist.

Stephen Covey is the Antichrist's Punk Little Brother

I realize that this is a strong statement, but I think it is close to being true. Ask anyone who has had to endure the formulation of Mission Statements and Vision Statements. They may be useful for business (though I suspect they are just excuses for pointy haired bosses to justify their existence), but certainly not for churches. I have noticed a disturbing number of parish that have mission statements on their web sites and bulletins. This is the mission statement of the infamous St. Joan of Arc Parish (Heretical Faith Community) in Minneapolis.

St. Joan of Arc is a joyful Christian community which celebrates the loving Word of God in worship and in action. We transcend traditional boundaries and draw those who seek spiritual growth and social justice.
We welcome diverse ideas and encourage reflection on the message of the Gospel. We are committed to the equality of all our members and strive to ensure their full participation through liturgy, education, and service. By these means we seek to empower all who come to grow in wisdom and bring to reality the promise of Christ.

(Just imagine how many man, oops I mean person, hours were wasted coming up with this. As Christians we have marching order given to us by the Lord Himself.

Then Jesus approached and said to them, "All power in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age." Mt. 28: 11-13

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

More Evil 1970s Artifacts Found, This Time In The RE Building

As promised, here they are; more evil artifacts. As we were installing the new phone system, I happened to open up a closet. Beside some ugly, polyester maniples dating from the 1960s, I found some song books and vinyl albums dating from mid 1960s through mid 1970s. (For our younger readers, vinyl albums are proto-CDs.) We have some junk from the Living Dead (aka The St. Louis Jesuits), the former Fr. Carey Landry, albums that went along with a Sadlier catechism series (more St. Louis Jebbie drek), some nuns with guitars, and even one which proclaims "Your parish can sing this Kyrie every Sunday!" (Shudder!) One of the blessings of being a convert is that I did not have to endure CCD with this stuff.

So far it has been suggested that these be burnt. Myself, I am leaning toward a little skeet practice.

The fruits of forgiveness

Via The Dawn Patrol

The following is a statement released yesterday by Marie Roberts, widow of Charles Roberts, the gunman who committed the Amish school shooting that left five girls dead and five more wounded:

From the Roberts family:To our Amish friends, neighbors, and local community:Our family wants each of you to know that we are overwhelmed by the forgiveness, grace, and mercy that you’ve extended to us. Your love for our family has helped to provide the healing we so desperately need. The prayers, flowers, cards, and gifts you’ve given have touched our hearts in a way no words can describe. Your compassion has reached beyond our family, beyond our community, and is changing our world, and for this we sincerely thank you. Please know that our hearts have been broken by all that has happened. We are filled with sorrow for all of our Amish neighbors whom we have loved and continue to love. We know that there are many hard days ahead for all the families who lost loved ones, and so we will continue to put our hope and trust in God of all comfort, as we all seek to rebuild our lives.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Coming soon!

I have discovered more evil artifacts. This time in the Religious Education Building.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Ex-presidents should be neither seen nor heard

(From The Washington Times)

Knaves: Jimmy Carter, who has obviously never heard of Neville Chamberlain.

Writing in the New York Times on Wednesday, Mr. Carter blamed North Korea's recent nuclear test on ... name calling. After four paragraphs of telling readers how he single-handedly stopped Kim Jong-il's quest for the bomb, the former peanut farmer said, "But beginning in 2002, the United States branded North Korea as part of an axis of evil." Since then, he goes on to write, it's been all downhill. Leaving aside the fact that Mr. Carter's 1994 trip to North Korea proved an unmitigated disaster, his suggestion that current Dear Leader Kim Jong-il was somehow a swell, trustworthy kind of guy before President Bush put his police state in the "axis of evil" category is laughable. Mr. Carter apparently misses the fact that the reason Mr. Kim appeared to be playing nice was because he was dealing with a U.S. administration that desperately wanted to believe him. Once Mr. Bush took office, however, Mr. Kim changed his approach: openly declaring that he is producing nuclear weapons in an effort to blackmail the international community. Mr. Carter's obliviousness brings to mind Neville Chamberlain's infamous claim of "peace in our time." For once again confirming the good judgement of Americans who turned him out of office in a 44-state landslide, Mr. Carter is the Knave of the week.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Democrats and National Security

Tailgate party after a wedding with the groomsmen

Guardian Angels

Last week as we were celebrating the Memorial of the Holy Guardian Angels, I started to think about several things. First, some people name their guardian angels. Second, a friend once told me that one of the Father, I can't remember which, held that at ordination a priest received a second guardian angel.

Stay with me on this, if the second point were true, wouldn't a man who is ordained a bishop receive a third one? In light of the first point, this means I could then name my guardian angels Moe, Larry, and Curly.

(Don't you just love sinus medicine?)

Our Lady of Fatima Conference

My parish is hosting an Our Lady of Fatima Conference on Saturday, November 4th. Yours truly will be speaking. Click here for more information.

Reason for Celibacy #55

I am still upset that she didn't leave the US after the last election like she promised.

Monday, October 02, 2006

From the Index of Prohibited Words

Hey! I do have Internet access up here. I will be keeping a running log of words I hear at the meetings that I that I detest.


Wednesday Update: The convocation is remarkably jargon free so far expect for the above which come from questions and comments of my diocesan brothers.

In the comments, several people have asked whats wrong with one or more of these words. These words in themselves are not bad, it is how they are used to advance particular agendas that I find repugnant. For example, community can just describe a group of people or it can stress the human reality of the Church to the exclusion of the more important religious reality. (Also, note the fact that any parish that refers to itself as a 'Catholic Community' is usually a heretical hotbed.)

Sunday, October 01, 2006

The Eleventh Plague

I will be gone until Friday and it is doubtful that I will have Internet access. The priests of my diocese are gathering for our annual convocation in Park City, Utah. It will be good to see my brother priests, which is all too infrequent. However, the convocation also means going to meetings. My personal theory is that meetings originated as the Eleventh Plague on Egypt. If killing the firstborn had succeeded, God was going to force the Egyptians to break into small groups and share.