Excuse me while I drive my non-hybrid SUV to pick up an extra-large pizza which I will eat in my well air-conditioned rectory. In other words, bite me Barack. If I wanted to live in Canada, I would move there.
Hell. After all, the antiphon was, "Glory and Praise forever."
The Supreme Fools of the People's Republic of Kalifornia have struck down the ban on same-sex marriage. (Same-sex marriage; there is an oxymoron for you.) I can't really say that I am surprised. The left-coast is, well, the left-coast and has been for some time. The cultural elite has been working on changing the cultural (and all other) positions on homosexuality for some time (at least since the late 1960s). Unfortunately, too many of us have been sitting on our posteriors, laughing at Will and Grace or Queer Eye. More unfortunately, many who ought to have been leading the struggle against normalization have either turned a blind eye or supported it. Regardless, this is where we are--legal support of an abomination.
What is the solution? I am tempted to say that Lex Luthor in the original Superman had the right idea: Nevada as beachfront property. Or even a Great Wall of Kalifornia. (Something that many of us in the Golden State colonies have wished for for many years.) However, in all seriousness, only prayer and evangelization can reverse this great evil. Oh, and an end to the imperial judiciary.
Marcus Magnus at Dominican Idaho defines Shambulation as, "The priestly practice of strutting around the sanctuary during the homily, instead of delivering the homily from the pulpit." This is also known as The Phil Donahue Syndrome; especially so when it is coupled with the reprobated practice of the so-called dialogue homily. (Anything with the word dialogue in it can't be good!) How do we address this problem? Better liturgy through technology!
Specifically through a strong electromagnetic plate positioned under the pulpit. The offenders will simply be issued special shoes with steel plates in the soles. As soon as the homily begins, a switch is thrown and, presto, no shambulation.
I also believe that with sufficient research this technology can also be applied to the abuse of inviting the congregation into the Sanctuary. Just imagine. Next time this happens in your parish, flip a switch and they will be hurled back into the pews. (This could also be useful with Water Witches (aka Poncho Ladies(tm)).
Long time readers might be wondering why I haven't taken on the 'Giant-Scarey-Puppet-Call-To-Apostasy' video now making the rounds in the blogosphere. The answer is that it is just too easy. I would feel too much like Simon in the opening rounds of American Idol. It would be too much like going to the range and shooting at targets from one yard.
Father Z (insert snappy personality cult salute) found and fisked a BYU Daily Universe column on the Vatican's Instruction on not giving baptismal registers to the Mormons. Judging from the reactions to this post and others on the net, I think some people are simply not clear on the issue.
The Vatican letter mentioned two things; privacy concerns and cooperation with the erroneous practice of baptism of the dead. Now, especially with older records the privacy thing strikes me a bit bogus. Most simply don't care if their great-grandfather was a bastard either literally or figuratively. (I am rather amused by my own relation to John Wilkes Booth.) The real issue is the purpose of LDS genealogical research. Historical interest and family history are subsidiary issues. The principal purpose is to enable the proxy baptism of deceased people. Believe me, I know how important this is for Mormons; it touches on the very issue of salvation. I also understand that they intend only the best by this practice, to enable salvation. However, they need to look at this from our perspective. This practice is erroneous. It is based on a false understanding of baptism, salvation, the afterlife, and God Himself. It doesn't matter that it has no effect. Neither does a Hindu sacrifice, but I am not going to participate in that either. Don't expect us to cooperate directly with something that flies in the face of our beliefs. And don't get your knickers in a twist when we don't. We aren't afraid of baptism of the dead. We just don't want to be a part of it.
(Aside from the whole State of Grace/St. Benedict Medal thing.)
Behold the Rowan (Mountain Ash) Tree which is planted outside my front door. According to European folk belief, this wards off witches. (Yet another reason why I never expect visits from NOW, NARLA, or Sr. Joan.)
This could also be used to help deal with the nuttjob-armpithair-hippies of Code Pink and their use of witches against the Berzerkley USMC recruiting station. Though, I think Supersoakers filled with Holy Water would be both more fun and effective.
Two thoughts:
First, I hope she never had to teach teenage boys.
Second, I wonder what she did to so annoy the novice mistress.
(From the California Catholic Daily)
“Dynamic facilitator” (With a title like this, you know it can't be good.)
Study suggests new role for pastors as increasing number of non-priests lead U.S. parishes, Oakland diocesan newspaper reports.
About five years ago, national priest, deacon, and lay leader ministry organizations (aka pressure or advocacy groups) initiated research to look at developments in ministry in the Catholic Church. During the week of April 20-26, 1,200 members of these groups met in Orlando, Florida, to discuss the results of the research project, titled “Emergency Models of Church Leadership.”
The research results “were, for the most part, hopeful and exciting, looking very much toward the future that the Spirit is leading us to in this country,” wrote Fr. Dan Danielson in a special report on the Orlando gathering for the Catholic Voice, newspaper of the Diocese of Oakland. (I always get nervous when someone implies that simply because something is happening that it is a sign of the Holy Spirit's leadership. Remember, there are other spirits that are anything but holy.)
Danielson, formerly pastor of the Catholic Community of Pleasanton, said the report presented “some statistics I previously had not been aware of that made the questions dealt with all the more urgent.” For example, the U.S. Church now has more than 31,000 lay ecclesial ministers (60% of them women) working at least 20 hours a week. At the same time, there are 16,000 permanent deacons and only 21,000 diocesan priests, 70% of them 55 and older. (Yes, and what kind of thinking got us into this mess to begin with?)
According to the report, the U.S. has 18,000 parishes, with new ones being added in the West and South. “Thirty-five to 40 percent of these parishes share their pastor with at least one other parish or mission,” wrote Danielson. “Two-thirds of U.S. dioceses have more parishes than priests available to staff them. Catholic people other than priests are the leaders of 616 parishes in 110 dioceses.” (The real question is; is this a good thing? Parish Life Coordinators and their like are not a good idea.)
The Orlando gathering addressed six focus issues (such as “parish life coordinators and sacramental ministers” and “pastoring multiple parishes”) through sub-groups. Danielson joined the “best practices of parish life” sub-group, where he learned that today’s parishes need a “pastor leader” who possesses “the ability to develop human relationships in the parish, has some developed leadership skills, is able and willing to collaborate with others in ministry, and has sufficient theological formation.” Parishes need to form lay leaders and empower parishioners. “Above all, the parish has to become an evermore welcoming Eucharistic community, facing outward in service to all and not inward in service only to its active members.” (Ah yes, focus issues; a great a way to arrive at pre-ordained conclusions. Moreover, all that seems to be talked about are issues of human interaction; the priest as a half-assed social worker. A seminary friend of mine used to point out that we shoot collaborators during wartime and we are definitely at war.)
Research, wrote Danielson, points to 13 practices “as the keys to the vibrancy of a Catholic parish.” Among these are the “redefinition of the role of pastor as a dynamic facilitator who orders and calls forth the gifts of others, serving as a change agent for new roles and structures, in other words, a shepherd.” (Damm! Look at all the jargon in this sentence. I am sure it violates some EPA toxicity reg.. Hmmm, I don't seem to recall Our Lord ever saying, "Go therefore and be vibrant!" or "I shall make you agents of change.")
Parishes must foster “an intense connection with the Eucharist as the center of parish life as well as participation in the other sacraments -- the fundamental defining characteristic of the Catholicity of a parish.” Parishes must also engage in “intense efforts to embrace multi-culturalism… especially in worship,” as well as “proactive personal outreach to individuals and households,” and a “commitment to justice.” (OK, the first part is good. The Sacraments are at the heart of Catholic life, but what about belief and teaching? The rest seems to be just more washed out liberalism.)
The groups behind the “Emergency Models” research were National Association of Lay Ministry, the Conference for Pastoral Planning and Council Development, the National Association of Church Personnel Administrators, the National Association of Diaconate Directors, the National Council Young Adult Ministry Association, and the National Federation of Priests’ Councils. (Yes indeed, the usual suspects.)
What we have here, it seems to me, is an effort to use the manufactured vocations crisis to remake the Church in the Call to Action image.
Charlie the Unicorn and friends are back!!!!
(Extended Zuccetto Spin to The Roman Sacristan!!!)
(From a CNS story)
WASHINGTON (CNS) -- In an effort to block posthumous rebaptisms by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Catholic dioceses throughout the world have been directed by the Vatican not to give information in parish registers to the Mormons' Genealogical Society of Utah.
An April 5 letter from the Vatican Congregation for Clergy, obtained by Catholic News Service in late April, asks episcopal conferences to direct all bishops to keep the Latter-day Saints from microfilming and digitizing information contained in those registers.
The order came in light of "grave reservations" expressed in a Jan. 29 letter from the Vatican Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, the clergy congregation's letter said.
(Read the rest of the story here).
Finally, something is being done about this. For years, Mormons have been mining Church records for names for posthumous baptism. (This is the principle purpose of the titanic genealogical efforts of the Mormon church.) While, of course, these proxy baptisms have no effect, we certainly shouldn't be aiding them in any way.
(Now, if only something would be done about selling vestments and other sacred items.)
Let us pay tribute to the collection of socialist ideologies (Marxist, Nationalist, etc...) and all that they have done to further human freedom, dignity, and life.
Yes you, Jesus. Could you put a hold on that? Yeah, you see today is Thursday and we are all REAL busy. Let's see, the first free time we have is on Sunday. Yeah, wait until then.
The following was sent from the new editor-in-chief of The Utah Daily Chronicle to a person who expressed concern over the Red Herring column:
I want to extend my sincere apology regarding an article published in The Chronicle last week. While it was intended to be a satirical piece, I agree that was in poor taste and should never have been published. Unfortunately, that decision was left in the hands of the previous editor-in-chief, who's tenure ended last Wednesday. I have already removed the article from The Chronicle's Website and have personally apologized to Bishop Wester's office. In addition, we plan to print a formal apology when The Chronicle resumes publication on May 14. As the university's independent student voice, The Chronicle highly values religious tolerance and we hope to better promote that ideal in the future. Feel free to contact me if you have any additional questions or concerns.
Sincerely, Dustin Gardiner
Editor-in-Chief
The Daily Utah Chronicle
Fair enough and well said. Errors in judgment occur and one of the purposes of student life in general is to make them and learn from them.
However, if the comment #16 on the previous post is in fact from the column's author, he has yet to recognize his error let alone learn from it.
This article (Zuccetto Spin to JS) is from the official student newspaper of my alma mater, the University of Utah, The Daily Utah Chronicle:
Red Herring: Wizard King ends tour of U.S.
By: Orion Archibald
Issue date: 4/23/08
Editor's note: The following column is a satirical piece and does not represent the views of The Daily Utah Chronicle.
Move over Gandalf: There's a new wizard in town!
Ending a week-long tour of the eastern United States, the Grand Magical Wizard King -- known to mystics by his native wizard title "Pope Benedict" -- held what many in attendance could describe as "a magical event" inside Yankee Stadium.
The ceremony, hailed by the Wizard King's followers as a "mass," sought to bestow the powers of the Magical Wizard King and his apprentices onto the lay followers gathered within the stadium, bringing to a close several days' worth of magical powers and spells cast by the Wizard King in both Washington, D.C., and New York City.
First citing the magical word "Alleluia," the Wizard King channeled the combined auras of those at Yankee Stadium through a guided series of chants and "prayers" to pay homage to the Wizard King's deceased grand master, the Omnipotent Grand Master Wizard King of the Universe -- referred to frequently by the Wizard King as "Jesus Christ."
With the help of his Wizard Apprentices and several young mages-in-training, the Wizard King cast his magical spell over the several thousand wafer crackers and thimbles of wine distributed to those in attendance. On-lookers, as though by routine, consumed the foods, allowing the Wizard King's magical powers to "spread through their bodies" and "clean their souls," according to several eye-witness accounts."
I'd heard of this Wizard King before," said John Daley, a construction worker from Brooklyn, N.Y. "But when I felt the magical power of his words mixing into these crackers, I knew he was a tried and true wizard supreme."
Although there were no fireworks or displays of the Wizard King's ability to summon lightning bolts, electric power blasts or other assorted sorceries through his wizard staff, he recited many passages alluding to a great forthcoming conflict between his Grand Wizard Coalition and that of a sinister Dark Sorcerer King of the Underworld. His master, the Wizard King noted, had defeated the Dark Sorcerer before in fair magical wizard combat, but the lay people of this land must prepare for "Round Two".
He's a sneaky devil, but we must prepare all peoples to combat him in their daily, non-magical lives," the Wizard King said.
To preserve the remainder of his magical powers -- which the Wizard King assured would be used to fight the heralds of Magicks ranging from Poverty to Famine -- the Wizard King was promptly shuttled from the ceremony in his specially crafted hyperbaric, magical white Mercedes."
Like he was riding a modern day white steed onto the rainbow sky bridge back to his grand wizard castle, or so I'm told," Daley said.
The Wizard King's chamber, prepared atop a standard Mercedes M Class, is designed to boost the Wizard King's powers by preventing swarms of lay persons from stealing the powers granted by his long white robes and pointed hat, while simultaneously dispelling the magical power of boomsticks fired point blank at the Wizard King's body.
In a statement delivered by the Wizard King's press corps, he thanked the people of the Americas and promised to "continue to train others in the magical powers bestowed by our Omnipotent Grand Master Wizard King of the Universe." The worldwide wizard training is to include lessons given at various Wizard Training Castles, or "cathedrals," throughout the known world, in topics ranging from magical chants to staff fighting to wizard gamesmanship to converting alms and donated moneys into magic powers, culminating in the ability to transfer massive amounts of guilt and mental suffering onto the various people of the land.
Although it is unclear when the Wizard King is set to return to the United States, one thing is for certain: His magical presence won't be forgotten any time soon."
I've felt a massive hole in my life for several years," Daley said. "Now, with the Wizard King's help, I can fill that hole by purging myself of the continual guilt I suddenly feel in my life -- with the help of his magical spells, of course."
(Please note that this was originally published without the editor's disclaimer and the byline is a pseudonym.)
To call this ham-handed effort satire is to dignify rantings that would embarrass most high school atheists. I would expect better logic from writers at a major university. I would also expect better editorial judgment. Somehow I doubt they would have published a similar attack on the Dalai Lama (or even Tom Cruise). But we must remember that Christians in general and Catholics in particular are not worthy of respect let alone courtesy in academic America.
UPDATE: (also courtesy of JS)
It seems that in the same issue we are told that: Residence Halls To Offer Diversity Education. Think the Chronicle staff will sign-up for it or that it would do any good? I don't either.
Your Life is 16% Green |
 You're not really a tree hugger... if anything, you're a smokestack hugger. So the environment is not your thing. Would it kill you to at least not litter? |
to all you granola eating, tree huggin, neo-pagan, Gaea-loving pantheists!
In the Spirit of Earth Day, the following Orthometric events are recommended:
--bean eating (gotta add to those greenhouse gases).
--tree cutting.
--styrofoam plate tossing.
--Spotted Owl cook-offs.
It is Spring allergy season and I am suffering from one my bouts of throat possession. This time, however, Kermit brought along a friend. (Hmmm, interesting image; Fr. Corapi as a Muppet.)
After the recent visit to the orthometric combox (a year late mind you) from the Seder Supper dancer from St. Joan of Arc, I had been planning to write something on this disagreeable subject. However, Cathy of Alex beat me to it. Do yourself a favor and read it, if only for its wonderful title of "The Abomination of Desolation".
Today, I had lunch with a permanent deacon friend. He asked me what I thought about the papal visit. I was somewhat taken aback. I hadn't fallen into critical mode yet, I have been too busy listening to what the Holy Father had to say. I am continually amazed at his ability to state clearly and compellingly the Gospel. I don't think this is due primarily to his brilliance, but rather to his charism as the Vicar of Christ. We are hearing the voice of Christ speaking through one whom He has sent. May God grant us all the grace to listen!
I was especially touched by his meeting with the victims of clergy abuse. This was no mere exercise in symbolism. I hope the bishops take to heart his words of this subject.
Now for the criticism of the visit itself.
1) I wish that the Holy Father would have been able to visit more of the US than just the North East. (Or the left coast for that matter.) Flyover country exists too.
2) I wish that he had ignored the UN. May God save us from world government!
3) That whoever planned the music for the DC event be sentenced to a decade of penance under the tutelage of the monks of Solemnes. (I only hope that New York redeems our country's liturgical reputation, such as it is.)
Minor things all in all. God has truly blessed us in the person of Pope Benedict.
BMP at Christus Vincit puts forward this fun meme:
1. That shiny metal stuff that you use to wrap food with:
A. Aluminum foil / B. Tin foil / C. Reynolds Wrap
B. Tin Foil.
2. That clear plastic stuff that is also used to wrap food with:
A. Plastic wrap / B. Saran wrap / C. Glad wrap
B. Saran Wrap.
3. Those things you use for facial and nasal care:
A. Tissues / B. Kleenex / C. Snot rags
D. Shirt Sleeve.
4. The stringy pasta that you eat with meatballs:
A. Spaghetti / B. P'sghetti / C. Noodles
A. Spaghetti.
5. Those wooden sticks you see in a chips bag:
A. Pretzel / B. Prentzel / C. Sticks
A. Pretzel.
6. That mammoth trunked animal in the zoo:
A. Elephant / B. Elly-Phahnt / C. Wooly mammoth
D. Ephalump.
7. The room in the house you have to use at least once a day:
A. The bathroom / B. The rest room / C. The little boys'/girls' room / D. The can
E. The Crapatorium.
8. The paper you use after using the room described in question #7:
A. Toilet paper / B. Bath (or bathroom) tissue / C. Butt wipe
D. The National Catholic Reporter
9. Your classification of a passenger van (full-sized or mini), besides van:
A. Car / B. Truck / C. Bus
D. BMW (Big Mormon Wagon--A Utah Thing.)
10. OK, finally, something relating to liturgical music - your classification of a Hammond organ:
A. Instrument / B. Appliance / C. Furniture
D. A weapon of Mass destruction.
"All Catholics care about the pope because he's the visible leader of our church," said Bishop Tod D. Brown, head of the Diocese of Orange. "He is a focal point, and I think because of that, in any organization or grouping, you're going to listen to the top leader."
The pope's visit will be a positive one for the church after the sexual abuse scandals, Brown said.
"I think that our church is just beginning to move beyond that now," said Brown, who has met the pontiff twice.
(I guess the answer is 'Or what'.)
Today in my homily, I mentioned my late lamented pet cockroach Ralph. I tied him in with the following Gospel passage:
And this is the judgment, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For every one who does evil hates the light, and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed.
Whenever I read this, I just picture turning on the lights and the roaches ducking for cover under the stove, fridge, etc....
But, back to Ralph. In the seminary, during the summer between First and Second Theology, I went to Cuernavaca, Mexico to study Spanish. I had a miserable time. I couldn't go to daily Mass because all the Masses were in the morning when we had class and all the priests who were studying Spanish with us were to lazy to say one. Also, I came down with a Giardia infection. (I lost 50 pounds in two months. I don't recommend this diet however.) And, I was bored to death. I was so bored I made a pet of a cockroach that lived in my bathroom. Every morning, I would feed him a little something. Here is thinking of you, Ralph.
